15May2023

 Dear diary,

Dear diary today is 15th of May I am spelling out each and every thing to you because I do not have anyone or a deposit to say I do not have a friend I do not have a counsellor a life coach a kite nobody I am just all alone or you can qualities lonely totally lonely nobody I don’t think so no teacher and 81 Ku Dial Arun new ward and household is working I have no idea Devdatta evaina used to always see the happiness the gratitude the kindness and every day God I don’t know if I have change or something else I have become the mean greedy or a bad person or the words in this way I can’t find a happiness and satisfaction inside me things are getting very complicated since 2022 to Unnao now next month is my birthday I’m gonna be 26 nor my career is working according to what I wanted I do not have a percent to say something to never felt like but most of the time it had but I don’t know is it affect to being overambitious or I have to face consequences a word Nau tab no idea how to deal with the situation because I have no idea I’m so much fucked up very complicated just going to get worse irregular periods from one month and getting like these anxiety depression and panic attacks of what else to say I think I need to start reading one more secret series then only my mind is going to be a little come aside I don’t know what is happening these days I am really paranoid totally paranoid a mental breakdown is happening in my mind and I don’t know what to do and how to deal with it feel like eating a lot of money and power because most of the time like in the last 23 months from the start of this year only from going to Mumbai and then going to other interview then other interview it’s like a 45 time when I am waiting Phalia Phalia Oru Naalo Naalo Naalo Naalo I don’t know there is something wrong in me I am not prepared I do not acknowledge the concept or the net I don’t know what’s wrong and yes maybe wrong but I always feel like that it’s a bag Kon things that are just breaking on my head and I don’t feel like anyway be successful Lake Pe hearing people my cousins Da the family the people of my age on YouTube Vayasu movieya the people like that very much left out Aahe want to go to abroad I am just wanted to live a luxurious life Karana Hussain Baig and diamonds in chains Nu what not I literally have no idea what to do and where to start a want to help me mama ji Mami family in more days more ways than one hour Nu vekk have no idea where to start now to do that I’m just able to say to you because I know this is 76 going to make me feel lighter Navarasa just want to go to a temple and say their whole time cry cry cry just I don’t know we’re confident person actually me confidence level is Ben begin to down menu for my present job the time in there is no confidence of me mine and all the teachers greedy people are just kept telling me you are so bad you have not done anything you are not good at studies you do not have any concepts nothing you don’t know when you coming from an interview and felt like this in your feeling like your shit you were not prepared you haven’t done anything I’m going to do things like this is like a bizarre Amazon bad Avenue idea I’m like so so so weird party things are new making me feel weird and most of the time I feel like I’m only sees as they have give me that confidence that okay I’m thankful grateful Ness for that some people of thankful Ge police Punar Vasu customer Mom who has always been there for me she’s like getting older and like always in stress just for me my sister is there she has a business to start my brother is their movies starting for his book like his own career i’m being there on the head doing nothing and based on his head doing I got to do it’s really very selfish of me that I am not able to do anything I am I am new idea no clue WhatsApp nine where my life is going not online the note of line they travel out every form on link and Mumbai every please I just want to see a lot of possibilities of I would be getting its grab it I have not going to innocent and see in Crown it I know I am going to give a hard on it till my last breath and rely on vagado Sakde time it’s very disheartening Ennai want to just dial E new cell farm thoughts are coming in my mind but better not to talk about it a note even think about this self harming thoughts but I believe I’m gonna do it if I am over Sevai want to win over zero ilekku Paruva ambitious I want to prove it to the polls if other people are doing I also can do it why not I can get a fame money people Nu mil get inspired by me and have a good percentage like me and around being very inspired want to be like many Nu 30 if she’s Shaffiq she can do but I get out like that I don’t know what is this personality I don’t know if teenagers have this confusion until the time they come to 22 it’s over but now Veedu Engey 20 cigarettes literally really weird one 8222 I can understand what is very moulding really very hard I know I can’t study and do PhD I know I can’t to serious I know a Gandu this study stuff and clear the net exams but I’m sure about that and sing I’m a good actress a rosters good personality years more than that it’s very unusual and most of the time like I am travelling right now and having a bad day okay I’m having a good day tomorrow no problem and most importantly the thing is that I want to work really hard in my future so yes I’m gonna say anyhow and work really hard for my life my goals Maherchi Manse also I want to give my ass off for my work and my lifestyle that I always wanted diagnostic tool that and I’ll just walk walk walk walk walk I know I find good people around me Kendall Purva always the INLD that Kusumm fashion network Hadu nothing is going to stop me I know want to prove alot to people.