Hey diary,

Its 2021 now a day after the Holi celebration which was a good option I have no idea what all i can do its 30 March2021 almost I am 23 years not a confused one but Today is not any other day I have no Idea what todo now its almost feeling like doing a suicide my life sucks literally as I always sometimes very grateful but I feel like just what can  I do to feel myself its literally not happening I am literally stuck as after 2017 in Masters I feel like something is going to happen now anything now anything but no its 2021 after like literally 4 years I am in a struggle period cannot feel myself as now being a professor in a medical a college  its 1 year and 9 months being out of sight and at home just did in the last  2019 what I really love the most but now its not at all this year cannot feel good in this year but also its very very annoying to go for for a job that I hate the most  I DONT LIKE TO TEACH,BE IN 8 HOURS PLAE I HATE THE MOST NOT EARNING WHAT I DESERVE AND EVEN ABLE TO SPEND AND TRAVEL AND DO ANY THING FOR AYONE AT HOME.Its really not my way I am irritated with myself, My famiy and y sibiling I am scared of the situation last year during 8 months at home fought with mom,minie,celebrated my bday myself,my brother the bonding I donot know became worse by the time I realise its very very Bad my life is now was not expected earlier.

It got changed my mom loved my sister more ,my mo donot think my am worth ful as I am hustling from last 4 years and the last is kinda zero have 3 degrees but no job feel like crying,screaming everything seems worthless.

getting out g=feel my family,traveling,going out be with this that is ot going to fix anything because its life and my life  MY BOND SOMEHOW GOT BROKEN WITH MY CHACHU ,DADI I NEED TO SHOW THEM THAT I CAN DO IT IAM SOMETHING BUT HOW .

I HATED EVERYTHING BEING VERY DELUSIONAL AND DEPREESSED THAT AT LEAST INCLUDING MY MOM ANYONE CAN ATLEAST LISTEN TO ME.

I donot have any one in this world  whom I can feel and share my dreams and plans and can help me anyway .

God need agood day please

I KNOW  NOBODY CARES EXCEPT YOU POWERFUL AND HAVE MONEY

ITS NOT AT ALL GOING TO  WORK.

I know I want to become an Actreess I need to be alone,work hard need a space and I am very very sophiscated as people of my age are during far more good better than me so need to I donot know why my family is not in my way these days.

What to do yr What todo Its really very Bad to Indulge Myself and have to be myself on track I really lost my sanity most of the time I am now very very distresss and need to be prepare 

TO BE WITH ME WITH MY JOURNEY AND SUCCESS:

MY FAMILY

DADI,NANI,NANJI TO PROVE ABOUT MYSELF NOT ABOUT ALWAYS EVERYBODY

PROVE MY ENEMIES,TEACHERS AND FRIENDS 

MY PARENTS AND SIBILING 

GET MY WORTH WORK HARDER WITH  ANY SACRIFICES THAT I CAN DO

SHOW MY RELATIVES AND COUSINS THAT I REALLY CAN 

TO GET BACK ALL MY INSULTS BACK

DETERMINE,DEDICATE AND HARD WORK

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